Monday, July 04, 2005

4th of July, San Francisco Liberal Style

I'm sure some of you red staters out there want to know just how us anti-American San Franciscans celebrate our country on the 4th of July. Here's how Karl Rove and the like probably picture it...

The San Francisco liberal traitors wake up, do a few bong hits, drink some coffee and sit down on the toilet for their morning constitutional. While doing their dirty business, they read the Anarchist Cookbook, the Koran or perhaps one of the most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries. When they're done, they wipe themselves with an American flag if they bother to wipe at all. Then it's off for a full day of hating our country. The San Francisco liberals will use this day off from work that our founding fathers died to bring them to go have barbecues with their comrades, starting their fires with American flags, grilling tofu burgers shaped like George W. Bush to burn in effigy, and talking about how great Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and Michael Moore are. As they get drunker on their fancy schmancy micro-brews and higher from smoking their "medical" marijuana, they might light off some fireworks, pretending that they are bombs going off in Christian churches or the homes of fine patriots like Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, or Ann Coulter. Then the men will all have a huge homosexual orgy while the women practice witchcraft, casting spells to harm our troops in Iraq.

But in reality...

We celebrate this holiday pretty much the same as everybody else, just without all the ignorant jingoist trappings. We know that the first settlers here were the predecessors to the current wingnut religious right, escaping persecution in Europe. But the people who drafted the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were classical liberal thinkers who founded a country based on freedoms and rights for all people (which at the time included only land owning white men) to practice any religion they wanted or none at all. They recognized the right to bear arms not because rednecks would someday want to hunt deer with machine guns and hand grenades, but because they knew that governments had a way of becoming tyrannical and might someday need to be overthrown. San Francisco liberals celebrate the 4th of July as a day when a bunch of liberals told the right wing imperialist tyrants in charge that they were mad as hell and weren't going to take it anymore. Today we set off our fireworks as a symbol of the explosive battles that gave our country its freedom and as symbols of the battles that might come to get those freedoms back from the creeping theocratic fascism embodied by those who support the Bush regime.

Happy Independence Day! It's not about waving a flag. It's about Revolution!


Blogger Sar said...

Happy 4th!

7/04/2005 06:05:00 PM  
Blogger Liberal Traitor said...

Thanks, and right back atcha! Viva la Revolucion!

7/04/2005 08:46:00 PM  

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